so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
