Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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