I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
