I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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