I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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