Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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