Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
