so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
