He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
i've created a new STD.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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