dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
