dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
