Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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