so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
