Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
