that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
