he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
