I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
