Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
