giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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