the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
