Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
