i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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