I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
