I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
