i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
