fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
