walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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