So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Floor bacon is actually really good
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
