Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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