I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
