ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
