Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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