thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
