i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
