It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
