I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
