Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize