I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
i think i just lost a toe
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
