As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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