Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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