You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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