i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he puts the penis in happiness.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
