So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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