You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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