I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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