xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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