We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
