it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
