also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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