Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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