Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
