Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
