Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
