just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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