If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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