i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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