there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
