i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
