WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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