can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
