Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
