The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
