Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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