She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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