I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
