i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
