you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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