U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
