he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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