wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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