I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Banned from zoo.
Again?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
