I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
