I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
