OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
