Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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